Putting Success and Failure in Perspective

I love success...and winning.

Failing or losing never feels good.  

But what is success and failure?

I could consider myself a success by my ability to play a Level 5 book with ease.  However, I know my capability is beyond Level 5; setting a goal below my competency - is that a picture of success?

Not by a long shot.

Success

Success is aiming for a goal that is just out of reach but not out of sight (learning to play the original piano composition of Rhapsody in Blue).  I see what I am aiming to accomplish, and by stretching, practicing and honing my skills I will someday achieve it.  That is the success mindset.  

The act of setting and reaching low level goals is not a good measure of success.  It is the stretching and achieving that adds self-esteem and the thrill of victory.

Failure

A good look at failure reveals this:

We need more practice

We need better defined goals

We need more information

We need to slow down

We need to grow in incremental steps

Just because a student has failed at something does not mean she/he is a failure.  This is perhaps the most important principle of this blog.  

My husband, Michael, is fond of saying:  

“Failure Is not Final”

Your child’s failures can lead to success when gently nurtured along with a healthy dose of reality... “Okay you failed.  What do you need to do differently next time?  What can you learn from this momentary setback?”

The fixed mindset says:  

“Success means smart.”

“Failure means dumb.”

I hope you will consider this:

Success is incremental.

Failure is a learning opportunity.

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

Talent Is Developed

Talent is rarely a gift at birth.  And even if it is, there is still a metamorphous that has to occur.  It is the developing of a talent that makes the talent come alive. 

Thankfully there is hope for those of us who have great desire but little natural giftedness.  This quote says what I want to say.

“Believing talents can be developed

allows people to fulfill their potential.”

~Carol S. Dweck

Does your child ever compare him/herself to others in class or in performing arts at school?  It happens all the time.  Parents need to consistently reinforce the concept that talent is developed through a learning process.  Otherwise, any musical or athletic ability will wash up and fade away. 

There is great hope in this thought today.  When I consider my students' musical potential, I often ponder what could be if they put forth the effort required.  Once they catch a glimpse of where they can go by using consistent practice habits, their skill will evolve into some amazingly beautiful expressions. 

The belief factor in combining talent and skill development is key. There is a critical balance between nurturing and overburdening a child with their own possibilities.  The secret is to help them learn how to see the value of a process (which takes great patience) as they learn.   Talent, then has a chance to flourish!

As a parent, teachable moments are at your disposal daily. Use them wisely.

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

The Right Questions

If you are like most parents and grand-parents, including me, when your student gets home from school or gets into your automobile, you begin with a barrage of questions.

“How was school?"

“Did you have fun?"

Etc., Etc.

Good questions, all of them, however, what if we tried asking "better" questions.

Carol Dweck, our resident Mindset expert, suggests these:

“What did you learn today?”  This is more than just a passing conversation.  Really show interest in knowing what your child learned.  It is called “reinforcement” in the learning process.

Ah, here’s a good one.

“What mistakes did you make that taught you something?”  Asking this question can help your child in the beginning stages of analysis and critical thinking.

And then this one …

“What did you try hard at today?”  Phrased in the proper way you prepare your child to put forth effort in learning - the greatest mindset of all.  What you have just communicated is this …“you don’t have to be perfect the first time.  Some things take time.”

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

Look Back to See Ahead

Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at where we've come from in order to appreciate our own measure of growth. 

And it is so with your child.  Do you ever hear them complain that they aren't making enough progress in school or in music?

Why not dig out last year’s music book or school text book.  Sit down with them and reminisce about those by-gone days when life was tough and that musical passage was a challenge. 

And now, look at where they are today. 

An Olympic athlete once said:

“There is something about seeing

myself improve that motivates

and excites me.”

~Jacki Joyner Kersee

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

Thoughts on Giving and Expecting

Life usually works this way – first we give and then we receive.

It is true in musical skill development, receiving a paycheck, or winning at a sport.  We give the effort, we play the game, we show up and do the work that is requested, and then we expect the reward. 

I rue the innately talented individual.  In too many instances I’ve seen students with an unusual amount of “natural” musical ability who give up when advancing to the next level of skill; the point that requires consistent practice, plenty of stumbles and ultimately brings a very satisfying sense of accomplishment. 

They had plenty of “stuff” to get them out of the starting gate and often they zoomed ahead of the pack.  Then they burned out and lost motivation simply because of operating on a raw talent without making the effort to strengthen their natural skills.

Our principle is this:

If you don’t give anything, don’t expect anything.

Success is not coming to you; you must go to it.

~Marva Collins

A worthy conversation with your child might be this:

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

The Greatest Gift to Give

The Greatest Gift to Give

October 14, 2013

Ready or not … Christmas is coming, but wait, don’t shoot the messenger yet.  My thoughts are about gifts … just not Christmas gifts.

Practicing parenting skills and instill a love for learning is an incredible gift.  Here is an important insight from our current favorite read by Carol S. Dweck. 

Her quote:

“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is teach their children this:

~Love challenges

~Be intrigued by mistakes

~Enjoy effort

~Keep learning”

~Carol S. Dweck

As we relate this to the process of learning a musical skill we readily see the correlation.  Now amplify that as a life skill for all areas and you compound the effect.  You turn your student into a “can-do” person who sees challenges as opportunities, not as failure traps.

Michelangelo, sculptor and painter is famous for saying this …

“I’m still learning.”

Challenges and mistakes are not the enemy.  It is our attitude toward them that defeats us from the start.

Keep teaching. 

Keep parenting.

Keep instilling these great character traits into your child.  It will pay off.

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

Ordinary to Extraordinary

How did Michael Jackson become Michael Jackson? 

Was Michelangelo born with a hammer and chisel in his hand?

Did Leonard Bernstein pop out at his birth and play a few Beethoven pieces before his first burp?

I admit, some of these scenarios are a bit absurd.  And they are done to make a point. 

We love Carol Dweck's book Mindset.  Again this week we focus on one of Carol’s quotes.

“We like to think of our champions and idols as superheroes that were born different from us.  We don’t like to think of them as relatively ordinary people who made themselves extraordinary.”

~Carol Dweck

Carol just said two mouthfuls.  Did you catch her last phrase? 

“… who made themselves extraordinary.”

~Did you know Michael Jordan was cut from this high school basketball team?

~Albert Einstein was considered illiterate.

~I recently read about a man who wanted to be an attorney.  He studied for the bar exam, took the test – and failed.

He took it again – and failed.

He took it again – and failed.

This want-to-be attorney took the test forty-eight times and finally passed it. 

Today he is a successful attorney.

~J.K. Rowling showed her first Harry Potter book to twelve publishers.  She is now worth over $15 billion dollars.  She hasn’t always been J.K. ROWLING.

In spite of the fact that overnight success is something most of us will never experience, we can help our children discover how being extraordinary comes by practicing perseverance and diligence in the task at hand. 

I love this thought:

Some winners just take longer to develop.

  

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student