Putting Success and Failure in Perspective

I love success...and winning.

Failing or losing never feels good.  

But what is success and failure?

I could consider myself a success by my ability to play a Level 5 book with ease.  However, I know my capability is beyond Level 5; setting a goal below my competency - is that a picture of success?

Not by a long shot.

Success

Success is aiming for a goal that is just out of reach but not out of sight (learning to play the original piano composition of Rhapsody in Blue).  I see what I am aiming to accomplish, and by stretching, practicing and honing my skills I will someday achieve it.  That is the success mindset.  

The act of setting and reaching low level goals is not a good measure of success.  It is the stretching and achieving that adds self-esteem and the thrill of victory.

Failure

A good look at failure reveals this:

We need more practice

We need better defined goals

We need more information

We need to slow down

We need to grow in incremental steps

Just because a student has failed at something does not mean she/he is a failure.  This is perhaps the most important principle of this blog.  

My husband, Michael, is fond of saying:  

“Failure Is not Final”

Your child’s failures can lead to success when gently nurtured along with a healthy dose of reality... “Okay you failed.  What do you need to do differently next time?  What can you learn from this momentary setback?”

The fixed mindset says:  

“Success means smart.”

“Failure means dumb.”

I hope you will consider this:

Success is incremental.

Failure is a learning opportunity.

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

Talent Is Developed

Talent is rarely a gift at birth.  And even if it is, there is still a metamorphous that has to occur.  It is the developing of a talent that makes the talent come alive. 

Thankfully there is hope for those of us who have great desire but little natural giftedness.  This quote says what I want to say.

“Believing talents can be developed

allows people to fulfill their potential.”

~Carol S. Dweck

Does your child ever compare him/herself to others in class or in performing arts at school?  It happens all the time.  Parents need to consistently reinforce the concept that talent is developed through a learning process.  Otherwise, any musical or athletic ability will wash up and fade away. 

There is great hope in this thought today.  When I consider my students' musical potential, I often ponder what could be if they put forth the effort required.  Once they catch a glimpse of where they can go by using consistent practice habits, their skill will evolve into some amazingly beautiful expressions. 

The belief factor in combining talent and skill development is key. There is a critical balance between nurturing and overburdening a child with their own possibilities.  The secret is to help them learn how to see the value of a process (which takes great patience) as they learn.   Talent, then has a chance to flourish!

As a parent, teachable moments are at your disposal daily. Use them wisely.

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student

The Right Questions

If you are like most parents and grand-parents, including me, when your student gets home from school or gets into your automobile, you begin with a barrage of questions.

“How was school?"

“Did you have fun?"

Etc., Etc.

Good questions, all of them, however, what if we tried asking "better" questions.

Carol Dweck, our resident Mindset expert, suggests these:

“What did you learn today?”  This is more than just a passing conversation.  Really show interest in knowing what your child learned.  It is called “reinforcement” in the learning process.

Ah, here’s a good one.

“What mistakes did you make that taught you something?”  Asking this question can help your child in the beginning stages of analysis and critical thinking.

And then this one …

“What did you try hard at today?”  Phrased in the proper way you prepare your child to put forth effort in learning - the greatest mindset of all.  What you have just communicated is this …“you don’t have to be perfect the first time.  Some things take time.”

Carolyn Biggs

Steps and Skips

Tips for the Developing Student